Well here I sit in my hotel room after a long day of training. Training? You might ask...Training for what...my new job! I am now an official employee of Wells Fargo Home Loans and I am thrilled to announce this! So I am here in Boston, MA for a hard core 3 day training session! I mean hard core. 8am till 5pm, but today we got out at 6pm! Even longer! I am so excited to get back and use the tools that I am learning here! What a great company! As you may know...or not...I have terrible anxiety about traveling...my mind goes else where...doom and gloom...but really only when I travel...not sure why...is it because I am out of my element? Or what...not sure...but after a bad night sleep ( I sleep better at home with a 4 month old!) Every hour on the hour I would wake up...good lord I was saying...let me sleep...then the hot flash come on...the heavy breathing...the heavy chest feeling...it has all happened before...I am not having a heart attack...I am having an anxiety attack. GREAT! and it is 2am! So...I get up...panicing...what to do...so I pop my pill and lay down...hot flashes then the chills...why does this happen to me. So I start to pray to god and little Joe. That always helps. I run scenarios through my head...then I start to calm down.
I useto love to travel...then 911 hit and it has gone down hill from there. I always got anxious getting ready to come but never at night. It even happens when I travel with Jeff or my mom. It is so strange. Well since I got myself so worked up before I left (throwing up and such) I told Jeff..this is nuts! I have to see someone about this when I get home! I even have it if we are going to a party at someone's house. This is not normal! I AM NOT NORMAL! Or am I????
Chatting with some other women today...they too said they were up all night...so I guess I am normal!
I miss my baby something terrible...but I am doing this for our family! I changed jobs so I could be with him 4 days in a row and my mom can watch him on the other 3 days. And if it is a crapy day out and I don't want him to go to mom's and I want to stay home I can. SO I keep telling myself that. I am doing this for US! SO that is where I am. I have been checking the blogs, trying to keep up...we have some prayers that are going out...Close frined of mine is waiting for the birth of her adopted baby...pray everything goes well...papers are all signed and such. Praying for others who are matched or talking with a prosepctive birth mom...praying for you all! Praying for a few of my friends who are waiting their PINK in GUT. And praying for safe returns for 2 that are picking up their daughters from CHINA! SO there is alot to pray for tonight. Please let me know if I can add you to my list!
So I leave you tonight with the hopes that all your dreams come true. Keep the faith in everything you do!
6 comments:
Colette,
I am sure your little guy is in good hands. Sorry you have such a hard time traveling. Like you said it will be worth it in the end :)
Janet
That is going to be totally worth it in the end. Sounds like a dream job. I used to be a flight attendant, I flew so much that now I don't want to go near airplanes.
He is...he is with my mom...on vacation! LOL Staying up late...you knoe the deal! LOL
I am so sorry you are away and missing your little man. But keep your eye on the prize!
And keep those prayers coming. I know I could certainly use them!!! Having panic attacks of my own over here.
Thinking of you while you are away! Hope this time passes swiftly so Julian can be back in your arms soon.
I know it has to be very hard being away from him but also know that it is the perfect age for you to have to leave. He is so flexible at this age that he will bounce right back to you after these few days.
As for the anxiety...mine got A LOT worse once we adopted S1. I was always nervous (people never knew, I hid it so well) but after he came it was much much worse. I finally mentioned it to my doc...long story short I had a medication prescribed and it did wonders for me...and actually everyone around me because I started sleeping better so I was better all around.
Try to enjoy the trip at least a little bit. Boston is a great place. I hope you get a chance to venture out some :)
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