I have been wondering if I was borning my lurkers and active on lookers. The last few posts I have not had one comment...are my topics too borning? Is it that I have been lurking on your blog and haven't posted therefore, you just lurk on mine? If so...fair enough! I know I do have to get better! This post might be deep...let's see where it takes me!
Do you ever sit in a dark room that is very quite except your breathing and maybe someone else's breathing? Maybe DH or DS/DD? Well last night after I fed Julian, Jeff fell alseep and so did Julian ( I was holding Julian) and I was listening to them breathe...oh yeah...Eugene and Libby too...and i thought to myself...how did i get here? Right here in this moment...to be surrounded by the man you love, the baby you adore and the dogs you cherish. I think back to what my father said at the end of Septemeber and he said "Remember the summer...it was the summer of Julian" We were matched on May 31...the begining of the summer...well not on the calender but you know what I mean. All summer long we waited, and waited. We swam at mom and dad's house almost ever day, had dinner and toward the end of July...we kept saying...this could be the last swim with a baby... but it wasn't...mus to our dismay. Finally he arrived in the begining of August. We had him at the pool almost every day from the time he came home to the time we closed it.
So I was trying to figure out if I remembered the time before we had Julian. Jeff feels like he has been with us forever. Everyone says...oh you will forget about the waiting...YOU NEVER FORGET ABOUT THE WAITING! All those feelings never go away...the anxiety...the waiting has only changed to...waiting for him to roll over, or cut his first tooth. I don't want to wish this time away...I wish we could keep him little forever.
I was at a sales seminar this morning and someone asked where I had been and I told them that I changed jobs, but was looking to get back into the mortgage business...like this week...and I said...that we just had a baby. They were all shocked...the comments went flying..."I didn't know you were pregnant...how was the labor...do you have pictures of him... he looks just like your husband." I just respond and say thank you... Most people don't realize he is adopted. And i don't want to start out ever conversation with ...my son is adopted...or should I? Does it really matter...he is our son. I know that there are first moms/birth mom's who read my blog and in no way am I trying to deminish the fact that he is adopted. He is our baby and we are so proud of him and to have him in our family. But he does look like my husband!
Once people find out he is adopted they have a million questions...Where did you "GET" him from? First of all...he is ADOPTED PEOPLE! We didn't GET him anywhere. Then they start asking questions like...did you meet the birth mom, what was she like...wheren't you scared she would back out...is she going to see him as he gets older...aren't you scared she is going to want to "TAKE" him back...and so on. Well I always answer with a smile on my face.
So that is my post for the day...I told you it was going to be deep. Well...maybe it will make you think, maybe it will make you mad...or maybe you will agree with what I have said. So I thank you for reading my blog and continuing to come back!